Friends is a hard subject for me, like high school geometry.

And no, I don’t mean the long gone hit TV series that really only had two good seasons (the first two, of course) and then blathered on for years making my generation look like a pack of immature idiots who don’t want to grow up. Um, no, that’s the boomers. Gen Xers have been grown up since 1st grade when their divorced, working moms stuck a house key in their lunch box and gave them strict instructions to go straight home from the bus stop and not to open the door for anyone. Oh, and to be sure to call them at work as soon at they got home. But, I digress.

No, the friends thing has just always been tough. How do you know what kind of friendship is going on? I’m often told that I expect too much of my friends and think “either she’s a good friend or no friend.” What’s a casual friend? A good friend? A best friend? Or is it just: friend? I’m lost.

How much should you expect from a friend?

Supportive: Flakey most of the time, but always there in a crisis?
Comparmentalizes: Asks you to grab breakfast or lunch with them, but never dinner?
Considerate (they think): Wanted to invite you to go to the movies or to get a drink, but figured you couldn’t go because of your kids so just didn’t even ask?
Appreciates your sense of humor: Laughs at people when they fall or something falls on them? Or just simply enjoys sarcasm and dry wit immensely?
Shares your values: Thinks letting your kids listen to songs with swearing in them is okay but not shoot ’em-kill ’em video games?
Helpful: Suggests you go home and have a glass of wine (or two) after the day you’ve had?

I just don’t know. I try to tell myself that no one is perfect, at anything, and that most make their best effort to be the best friend they can. Everyone has different ideas of what being a good friend is all about. It’s all just relative, apparently.

Me, I suffer from severe intensity and an acute inability to understand where people are coming from in the friendship world. Or to put it in common cliches, making mountains out of mole hills, blowing things out of proportion, massive interpretation disorder–wait, that last one belongs in my first list of my social maladies.

What I’m trying to say, as usual, is sometimes I just don’t get it.